Writing used to come very easy to me, pages upon pages of words, either for school essays, or just views/musings about so many different topics. Over the last few years, that little spark or muse has gone away, and this and the last time re-starting my website, I can’t seem to get back to where I’m inspired, or have any words to spill out. Unsure of what exactly killed off that ability, still feels there’s parts of it there, just can’t seem to re-start it into a good large fire again.

Used to read a lot more as well, about a wide range of topics; programming, philosophy, music, history, and whatever else I could digest. Hours and hours were spent just learning about things, and then during that spending time sharing some of my experiences, but overall most of it kept in my own head.

Part of keeping it all away is/was my shyness of feeling unable to express anything correctly, but also a fear that what I’m sharing isn’t interesting to anyone other then myself. Both of those things have grown more and more over the years, to a point where I rarely express any views on anything really. It’s not that I don’t keep up with the world and events around me, more just that I assume my viewpoint isn’t interesting or needed.

There’s also the issue of never learning how to hold a discussion that can/will get ‘heated’, the moment it does, I just shut down and assume somehow that I’m wrong/etc. The topic can be anything really, but just any time the discussion becomes more passionate, my brain just turns off.

Writing used to be more automatic, could literally just sit own and write without really thinking about it, and just let it all spil out. Feels almost forced now, not in a negative way, but that I have to somehow ‘push’ my brain to work out the words.

Maybe just rusty?